Britney Spears - The Perfect Ass

But not in this case the perfect bottom. I think hers once may have qualified as being worth a look, but those days are long gone.

No, here we are talking about the way she is now making a perfect ass out of herself. She seemingly has wandered outside without any panties on. A publicity stunt? Or is she just forgetful? I think it really doesn’t matter, as you can see from this NOT SAFE FOR WORK photo here her ass isn’t a pretty sight. And if you thought that was bad, there are also open crotch shots here that leave nothing to the imagination, nor do they hide a rather ugly c-section scar.

If you’ve just eaten, I do apologize.

A few years ago Britney, along with much of the World’s population I would have loved to have seen shots like those. Today, please find some industrial strength granny panties and staple them on firmly.

Ah, you can take the girl outta the trailer but not the trash outta the girl.

Jennifer Aniston - The Break Up, Along Came Polly, Rachel Greene in Friends

I know a great deal has been written about Jennifer’s behind already. It is my first time, and after seeing The Break Up recently I’m sure it won’t be the last.

For a woman in her late 30’s she is still incredibly hot. The oft used two peaches in a handkerchief does seem to adequately describe her nether regions. I wonder what her score would be using the Assquation. Very close to 80 I would assume, but only a close inspection would tell.

The Break Up incidently, is asurprisingly good. I was expecting off the shelf light comedy full of the usual cliché, and instead got a thoughtful well written movie with very good performances and a lot of truth. It also adds a beautiful scene to the ass canon and lore, where Jennifer’s bare bottom can be seen slightly out of the depth of field of the camera (or his breath steamed up the lens). It is included below for your viewing pleasure, but the rest of the movie is pretty good too.

The Break Up VIDEO

Along Came Polly, Spanking VIDEO

Getting to the bottom of it with the Assquation.

Seemingly it’s all very simple. It is: (S+C) x (B+F)/T = V.

Where S is the shape, C is sphericity, B is muscular bounce, F is firmness, T is the skin texture / cellulite amount and V is the hip to waist ratio or symmetry. At least this is the method from Dr David Homes from Manchester Metropolitan University.

What you do is assess each factor on a scale of 1-20 and plug the results into the equation. The perfect score is seemingly 80. Now, I haven’t tried to use this yet, and it would seem to be adding too much subjectivity to do a reasonable assessment (um, or ass-essment, sorry!) from a photo. I think bounce, firmness and texture can only be accurately and precisely gauged by extended tactile means.

What bothers me about this most is that when I was studying the female bottom on an amateur basis while struggling at University to understand Stokes’ Law and it’s application in terms of Long Shore Drift, there were other people actually trying to research and understand the perfect bottom - professionally. Now that is a damn fine use of mathematics and a research grant. I am jealous.

Needless to say accuracy can only be ascertained with a very large sample population in this case.

Dr Holmes, if I were on the Nobel Prize committee I’d honor you - Peace Prize maybe?. Still, I’m sure your work is just rewards.

No Celebs today.

There’s no-one I can find in the news today who’s ass is interesting to write about. There’s Britney and Paris, but even if either had nice asses - which they currently don’t - I have little to say about them.

So I thought I’d go for hunt on Flickr and see what I could find. The results weren’t bad, there’s some nice ass on there. However, the process was not fun. I’d never used Flickr prior to it being owned by Yahoo, and rarely afterward, since I am of the opinion that Yahoo is one of the World’s most aptly named firms (somebody really should have checked the meaning of that name before they used it, however I now relish its metaphor and is wholly deserved).

The few good pics I’ve found was the result of a few hours of casually searching. It was pretty painful. Were I not dedicated to the pursuit of the perfect bottom, I wouldn’t have bothered. Their meta tag system either doesn’t work that well - or I am incompetent at using it. Not to mention that when one searches for “ass” one gets pictures of donkeys too. Oh, how the uploaders of those pics must laugh. Dicks.

Some of these may Not be particularly Safe for Work, you have been forewarned.

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Kristen Bell - Veronica Mars

I read somewhere recently that Kirsten topped a poll of “women you’d like to see naked” I forget who published the poll.

I wouldn’t necessarily be one to argue, although I’ve never entirely seen her in that light. I do however thinks she is a great actress, on what used to be at least a great show. I say “used to be” because whatever the CW has done to this show doesn’t work for me. I found the first two seasons to be gripping, intelligent, extremely well written and masterfully performed. Season three is really lacking the tension, urgency, edge and excitement of the previous two. It’s much more tame and soapy.

Anyway, back to the back of Miss Bell. It’s hard to find good pictures of her from behind, however these ones do her justice.

Jaime Pressly - Aptly named “Joy” in My Name is Earl

Happy Thanksgiving to all our American readers. Hope you have a great day!

Let us pause and give thanks also for the posterior of Miss Pressly. I read somewhere recently that some forum folks believe she has the best a-double-s in Hollywood. This is a statement that requires careful and dedicated research before being issued. So I decided to investigate those brave words. My results are shown below - she is also a Playboy girl so you should know what to expect before you click on the links. I feel you won’t be disappointed.

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She is also 4 months pregnant, so I guess these are the “before” pics, I wish her a happy birth and a speedy return to peak form and fitness. I do hope also to see those “after” pics too…please!

Charisma Carpenter - Cordelia, Kendall Casablancas and Co.

Since I mentioned Emma Caulfield earlier, I felt it was only fair to also mention Charisma.

Another great actress who is not really getting the exposure she deserves. Of course she famously posed for Playboy recently, and despite having borne child previously, the results of that photoshoot were astounding. Some are listed below for your pleasure. I particularly like the voluptuousness and femininity of her curves and the sun tattoo adds a little extra fire.

The pics of her in the red panties seem to have a different curve to her ass than those of other pics, I suspect photoshopping - odd really because she has an hourglass figure that most people would adore.

There seems to be a great many Charisma bottom pics out there. For this we may be truly thankful.